Testing the waters . . .

The break up happened on New year's Eve, but I didn't know it. We had the 'I think we need to spend some time apart' talk, I should have paid better attention. I was too busy listening to my world crashing down around me. What had started out as a very quiet NYE turned into an emotional roller coaster, except I was sitting there without a lap-bar and we were heading for the vertical loop. And being a big person, gravity has always been my enemy. (I've looked forward to the day we would colonize the moon, and I could leap gazelle-like over the face of the planet. But I digress.) It's strange, as I watched him drive away . . . No goodbye hugs or kisses, no farewells, no last lingering look back over his shoulder . . . That the realization never quite hit me that I would never see him again.

Now right off the bat I have to warn you that I am a 'Gilmore Girls' devotee, not a rabid fanatic mind you, but enough of a fan to worship the ground that Amy Sherman-Palladino and Daniel Palladino walk on. (If you have to ask just move along to the next blog) So I will be using 'Gilmore-isms' a-plenty. So, having said that . . . Back to me.

So for close to month I'm just rolling along, counting the minutes since we last saw each other, reaching for the phone a dozen times or more a day, playing back old voice mails (just in case I forgot his voice), and sleeping with a velveteen rabbit he had given me. In other words, I was a mess. And to top it all off, I was keeping all this internalized. I didn't want anyone to know that I had screwed up the great love of my life. So 'J' suddenly began this life of tests, homework, studying, work, and obligations so that I always had a ready excuse at why we weren't at an event together or why he wasn't over the house as much. I'll be honest, we were pretty attatched at the hip. Not a lot of time passed between us seeing each other or talking on the phone.
And then it happened . . . I was 'Huntzbergered'. To be 'Huntzbergered' is what happens when someone you care about says one thing but means another, and doesn't have the courage, fortitude, or balls to say what he really means and hopes that someone else will tell you or you will figure it out on your own.
Does anyone out there remember the Thanksgiving episode, "He's slippin' 'Em bread ... Dig?..."? Here 'Rory' is getting her life back on track and moving along waiting for all the pieces to fall back into place and WHAM! . . . 'Rory' was 'Huntzbergered'. She gets a call from 'Logan's' sister 'Honor', chitchatting in that vapid waspy rich girl way about nothing of importance until she tells 'Rory' that she's sorry that 'Rory' and 'Logan' broke up and are no longer together. Broken up!!! 'Rory' and 'Logan'??? We are??? "Rory' had just thought they were taking some time apart!

Well, here I am, in my best 'Rory' mode and I get 'Huntzbergered' by 'J'! I thought we were taking some time apart and I find out in an email that we are no longer together! What the F***! We broke up?? Did I not get the memo?
I've heard of avoiding confrontation . . . but that's like going to San Francisco by way of Georgia just to avoid driving HWY5.
In reading his email you'd think I was nothing more than a crush he had while he was away at summer camp. Like a snowcone in the sun. Easy to wipe away the mess and just as memorable.
So what happens now? Do I go out and get a Paul Anka of my own? Perhaps I should just get over him and take up crafting 'a-la-Paris'?