Testing the Waters, 2

Okay, I've been 'Huntzbergered' . . . So now what do I do with my life?
All right, I'll admit it, if you were me you'd go to Disneyland. Where everything is pretty and clean, where there are smiling faces everywhere. Where people go to discover the child that still lives inside them. A place where every Prince can find his Princess (unless you're backstage and that pairing is rarely as god intended!), fairytales are reality, and dreams truly do come true.
One little flaw in that happy little scenario . . . 'J' works there too. I mean, I could avoid him with a little work, but it's those unexpected moments I dread. It'd be like 'Rory' walking down the street with 'Lorelei' and seeing 'Logan' schmoozing all over a willing blonde at a sidewalk cafe. A quick knife thrust to the heart . . . And don't forget to add the salt.

Ok, I guess some background is need on this all. In the previous posting I jumped right in to the fact that while I was under the assumption that we were just taking a time out (his idea and not mine), 'J' had actually broken up with me. A point he did not get across in any part of his monologue. His oft repeated phrase was "We both need some time to think about what we want in our lives." He also said "I need to concentrate on my classes, getting my degree . . . It's a lot more involved than I anticipated. I been spending all my time with you." At no time did he use the words "break-up", "it's over", or even the dreaded "I think we both need to see other people". When he left that night, I just kept thinking that if I just gave him his space that he's needing right now, and continue to be there for him, we can sit down soon and figure out what's going on. I thought if I just trusted him and believed in him, that he would let me know when he wanted to see me again, and we could start on an even footing together. All I needed to do was give him the space he was needing. After all, he was my 'J', the man I trusted with my heart and my life. I love him, there's no reason to doubt him.

I should have asked more questions. I should have asked him exactly what he meant. I should have made a scene. I shouldn't have been so understanding. I shouldn't have felt so guilty about everything. I shouldn't have let him off so easy . . . I should have made him say exactly what he meant.
Hindsight is so freakin' 20/20.

It's been said that jumping back into the dating pool after being in a relationship is like jumping off the hi-dive, but at the shallow end of the pool. Upon reflection I think that is an overly optimistic statement. Coming out of a relationship is like leaving a nice warm bath and finding your fingers and toes are all wrinkled and cold, and you're shivering because someone has left the window open on their way out. There aren't enough fluffy towels in the world to make you fell safe and warm again. Starting to date, or even entertaining the mere notion of getting back into the 'scene' is not one to be taken lightly. I've never understood what the correct timeline would be for that? How soon is too soon? How long should you mourn a relationship? Are you insane if you wake up in the morning and ache because someone is no longer a part of your life? Is it okay to take offense if someone tells you to get over it and get on with your life. Does it hurt any less because you've now become an emotional inconvenience to some people?

Okay, I tried the crafting thing . . . Other than a enough junk to stock a garage sale, and my housemate making noises about me clearing out the garage, nothing much was accomplished. Well, the coffers of 'Michaels' and 'Big Lots!' are considerable fuller, but I'm not any happier. And forget getting a 'Paul Anka' of my own. The housemate vetoed that idea, unless I wanted to get something small . . . Like a hamster. How do you 'get over' someone who's been a part of your life for over 2 years? I know, silly question . . .

Unlike 'Rory', I don't have a pool house to hide out in. Gotta put that toe back in the water . . . Did anyone mention anything about sharks?