Toes in the water . . .

Okay, it's been just about a month since I had a chance to post last. So I apologize up front that there is going to be a bit of rambling and an overload of info.

The dating scene. EGADS! Sometimes you wonder why you really put up with it at all. It's taken me almost 6 months to get over "he who shall not be named" and to really put myself out there and begin to start taking chances in the single world. 1st, I've got to thank my friends for being patient with me. They were there for support when i fell apart, gave me strength when I was at my lowest, ande very willing to douse me with the cold water of reality when I was hiding behind rose coloured glasses. For not shooting me, abandoning me, or shipping me off to 'Betty Ford' . . . I thank you.

So, when did sex become the equivalent of the 'gay handshake'? Do you know how many times I've heard "Don't make a big thing about it, it's just sex"? I'm sorry, maybe I was just raised funny, or it's a generational thing, or maybe I'm just hard wired differently . . . but sex is a BIG THING! I mean come on, when you're sharing of yourself, sharing your body with someone, shouldn't it mean something? "It's just some fun between friends, we're just having some play time." It's sounds like we've set up a play day date, or we're playing scrabble. I've heard more commitment or meaning when people play something on PS2 or their XBox.

So far, men i have dated in the past month have fallen into 2 categories and even in those categories there are subsets. Those looking for instant gratification, and those who are willing to build a friendship 1st.

Instant Gratification:

• "I was just looking to hook up"
• "Yeah, I know I said I was just looking for friends, but I'm horny"
• "How about you just come over here and suck me off?"
• "I like you, how about we go back to my place . . . ok, what about my car?"
• "The bathrooms here have really big stalls"
• "My wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend/partner doesn't understand what i like and I think you do"
• "My wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend/partner is out of town"
• "I'm not out, can you host?"

Friendship Builders:

• "I have a Wife/Husband/Girlfriend/Boyfriend/Partner, but we have an understanding"
• "I'm coming out of a ___ year relationship, I just want to be friends for now"
• "I'm new to all this, I've never been with a guy before, can we take it slow?"
• "Hey! You're a great guy, I'd like to be friends 1st"
• "I'm kinda shy,can we take this real slow for now?"
• "I'm in a LTR, I'm just looking for friends"
• "I'm not out, can you be more masculine?"

I've met some very interesting people, some I'd really like build some friendships with, and others have made me want to go home and shower afterwards. I've been played by a few . . . well, more than a few. When did head games enter into the dating equation? Is this the new substitute for sex? Just to screw with someone's mind instead?

To all the really nice guys, and you know who you are, thank you for taking the time to get to know me and allowing me to take it slow and feel comfortable with you. Thank you for the great dates, yes real dates, with talking and conversation. For long walks, serious topics, and original ideas. Thanks for realizing I don't need to be fed 24/7, for listening to where I'm coming from, for sharing part of your life and not your anatomy.

I'd like to wrap this all up in abig ol'Gilmore bow . . . but it's hard to choose a reference. I mean, I could be very 'Michel'- like and say that "People are exceptionally stupid right now, and I refuse to talk to any more of them". Or I coulod look upon the dearth of good people in the world like a box of 'used dessert' a-la 'Emily Gilmore'.

Maybe when I wear my heart on my sleeve and put myself out there it's more like "Oh! What's that Lucy Van Pelt? A football for me to kick?". And instead of connecting with the ball, it gets yanked away. Cut to me tumbling end over end instead of the football. Love sucks.