Walking on water....

Another month has gone by almost! I really do have to get a lot better at this. As I was told by a good friend, "blogging is a responsibility to your readers, keep it current dammit!" I apologize for not keeping on top of it, I tend to get tied up in the minor details of the day. I forget to step back and look at the big picture. There's a line in a movie that compares life in Los Angeles to reading the comics. When you're too close, it's just a jumble of various colored dots with no rhyme or reason, but when you step back all those random dots suddenly become an image. That's us I guess, all those random colored dots on a page, but it's not until you step back and look at your life do you see the patterns and the people for who they are. So, back to me! I'm still treading through the dating pool, I've taken off my water wings but i'm definitely keeping the Lifeguard in the corner of my eye at all times. I've met a few keepers so far, but sometimes I definitely get the impression from them that there are more people on their dancecard than just the 2 of us (and who do I talk to about changing the music?).

One thing that I have learned and come to the set in stone, bounded by brass, and encased in acrylic conclusion is that the term 'a long distance relationship' is an oxymoron. But that's a story for another day.

Of course you're looking for details, and I will change the names to protect the not so innocent and perpetually clueless.

I was dating this guy, let's call him Al. Al is 35, latino, nice build, cute, great personality. He likes so many of the things I like and there is enough about him that would make it easy enough to get interested in some of his favorite things in life. He makes me laugh and can be so obtuse without really trying. We have about 6 dates under our belt when we finally end up back at his place, and then it begins to run downhill.

SIGNS YOUR 'REALTIONSHIP' IS IN DANGER:

• You drive by his home and park down the block, even though there is spot in front of the house and in the driveway.
• Instead of going in through the front door, you're led around the side of the house and in through a side door.
• He lights a candle, not to be romantic, but to make sure no one can see a light under the door that leads into the rest of the house. (Oh yeah, he puts a towel down at the bottom of the door too.)
• He starts whispering in your ear, not the romantic sweet nothings, but to ask you to keep your voice down so no one knows you're there.
• If you say you have to use the restroom, and he'd rather you peed in the bushes by his door than enter the main part of the house and use the bathroom.
• There are 'Rock Bimbo Babe' posters on the walls, copies of 'Sports Illustrated' and 'Maxim' are scattered on the floor.
• There is more discarded sports equipment and dirty clothes in view than furniture.
• The only photos on display are of him with family members and women in various states of inebriation.

All of this can be summed up in a few short sentences:

1. He still lives at home with his parents/family and is not out to them.
2. He is still trying to pass for straight and is not out to anyone.
3. He thinks he's Bisexual, and this is only something he does 'once in a while'.
4. He's soooo far back in the closet that he's finding old Christmas presents that were stashed away when he was in kindergarten!

Needless to say, I wasn't keen on staying long and had my hand on the doorknob before his jeans hit the floor. I was telling him I would wait in the car before he even had a chance to say anything. There is nothing quite like the sight of a guy chasing after you while trying to button up his jeans and using a loud stage whisper to beg you to comeback or wait up. Needless to say I wasn't happy and only spoke to him to tell him to take me home. And Al, despite the 43 voicemails and 82 emails you've left me, I have no intention of getting to know you better. I think I know enough, in fact a lot more than I really ever wanted to know.