Adventure in the Desert: Personal Space

After all that, who needs company?
I want to be alone . . . please!          

Saturday night was supposed to be the big night. Dinner plans, cocktails & dancing by the pool, and a special drag performance by some of 'RuPaul's Drag Race All-stars! The stage was draped with enough sparkling black fabric to slipcover the Queen Mary . . . or at least a midsized Fat Boy! The DJ had the music pulsating, the lights were bouncing off the walls and water, and the people who were floating about au naturel earlier were now dressed to impress. And these boys were drinking like prohibition was about to begin again at sunrise! Big & Small boys were two fisting mixed drinks, shots, & beers as fast as they could. I know the desert could make you dehydrated if you weren't careful, but these boys were loading up like a fleet of camels about to cross the Sahara. This did not bode well, but I had done enough soul searching and reasonable thinking up in my room prior to coming down and joining the crowd. I was bound and determined to make amends to the gents I turned my nose up at and the guys I had looked down upon.
I know that I can be a real Princess more often than not, sitting high up on my gilded art nouveau throne and looking down at the rabble, giving a gracious wave now and then (back of the hand, above the pearls and below the tiara), a gracious smile to the deserving and a raised eyebrow to unfavorable. It's the way I was raised coupled with the way I wanted to be observed. My lineage was filled with stiff backed & stiff lipped matrons and patrons, my nobless was just a little more obliged than necessary.

But I digress, back to the party at hand. I girded my loins, hefted my breasts and waded into the crowd like a galleon under full sail. (Did I mention I was probably a tad overdressed?) I blasted a mega-watt smile while saying hello and inquiring if said person was enjoying themselves. I schmoozed like it was a party in the Hollywood Hills and I was casting my next blockbuster. A smile, a kiss on the cheek, a pat on the derriere, a touch on the forearm, a caress on the pecs, air kisses on both cheeks, a kind word, a silly joke, a double entendre, a droll comment, a catty witticism, Honey! Dorthy Parker had nothing on me that night. I was a success, I was beloved, I was in demand, and I was realizing that I didn't have to feel miserable and alone. Who were these people and why was I seeking their approval? What the hell was going on in my head that made me go to these extremes just to be liked? Simple, I had come to the point that I was figuring that if I wasn't putting out at least I could be entertaining & witty. If I wasn't going to put my tits and ass out there for one & all, at the very least I could make them laugh and distract them while I moved to higher ground. Instead of giving in and becoming someone I couldn't be, I decided to be engaging and humourous. I decided to be human and welcoming instead of stand-offish and disapproving. I decided to enjoy myself. It only took 2 days to get to that point & take the stick out of my ass, climb down off that throne, and just have a good time.
It was about damn time!

 And you know what? The next day was a blast! People sought me out in order to have a conversation not a grope-a-thon, to laugh and want to sit down and have breakfast with me or share a drink or two. I could wander around & join conversations and not worry about ulterior motives or hidden meanings. I allowed myself the chance to meet some very cool people and listen to some very interesting conversations.
Yes, there was still a lot of naked slap & tickle going on around me. Yes, there were naked men in abundance and in full view in and out of the water, but you know what? I didn't care any more. If that was what the participants were wanting to do right out there in front of a pride of voyeurs, then more power to them. I didn't need to watch and I didn't have to have it ruin my experience. To each their own and the freedom to enjoy it. After all, that's why it was a clothing optional resort and that's what the boys paid the big bucks to be a part of. No one and nothing gave me the right to rain on their parade or make them feel ashamed in any way. If there was baggage to hefted it was all mine. And you know what? From that point on I was packing light (but still matching & with no one else's initials on it but mine!).

Sunday night wrapped up with a wonderful dinner with a great group of people. I'm sorry I never had a chance to connect with them prior to dinner, I missed out on some truly great minds and insights. I'm so glad we met at dinner though, there's nothing like good wines and good food to get conversations going. I loved it! There were sometimes 3 or 4 conversations going at once, crisscrossing the table like a tennis match, mixing and rolling into each other, with laughter & good natured teasing between all the parties. I was in heaven! I really didn't want the evening to end and I was truly sorry that I had waited so long to join in on the revelry, I could've been having this every night if I'd only opened up my mind and my heart. Lesson learned! You've just got to strip away your preconceived notion and fears and take people at face value, leaving your own luggage back in your room. You never really understand how much you can color a situation by looking through your own non-rose coloured glasses and see something that's not really there. One more day in the desert kids, then it's back to the O.C. I go.