Saturday was the big day . . . All the events and all the Boys, Big and Small, were scheduled to be there on that day. The biggest crowd (in more ways than one) was expected to arrive after 11am on Saturday so more than a few of us were up at dawn to stake out our prime seating and territory before the interlopers arrived. It was pretty peaceful, even serene if you squinted your eyes a little and just listened to the gurgle of the fountain. Coffee helped. So did the spread of the Continental Breakfast. There's something strangely soothing about Cheese Danish & 'Fruit Loops' at sunrise. Bacon would've made it perfect but the restaurant next door didn't deliver until after 9am, even if you begged. (Believe me, I checked!) So I staked out my sanctuary for the day, trying not to make it the 'No-Man's-Land' I had the day before. I kept the double lounger, it was so roomy, but didn't wedge it against the planter. I laid out my towels and pool bag (packed with assorted sunscreens but leaving the spray-on puritanism back in the room), grabbed some bottles of water, then dashed up to change into the day's pool ensemble. I was going to keep my chin up, my tits held high, a smile on my face, and a twinkle in my eye.
I was ready for anything!
First, let me say a few things about the term 'Clothing Optional'. It's a good thing, meant to inspire freedom and free you from you inhibitions. It's used to promote an all over tan and probably to lessen the amount of luggage you drag around from place to place. It can also lead you to see things you'd rather not see. As with most things, even visually, one man's trash is another man's treasure. So let me give you the mental visual on this. This was a Big Boy pool party, for Big Boys and their Admirers. So there were a lot of Naked Big Boys and a lot of Naked Admirers. I'm no Tom Daley and despite the requests from many people there was no way I was going to be squeezing my buxom frame into a speedo or much less parading it around for god & everyone to see.
The reasoning on my part or the majority of it wasn't the fact that I felt self conscious, under the right circumstances I can appreciate air-drying the Big Boy or at least putting the goods on display, but I believe in keeping a little mystery going between you and your prey. Why give it all away? Keep a little something undercover for that moment of mutual exploration! Half the fun is the anticipation and exploration. Unfortunately for me these boys were not only putting it out there for all to see, but there were also putting it out there as free samples and there were a pool full of takers! Oh the humanity of it all! There was flesh everywhere, there was flesh floating above the water, there were body parts on display rarely seen in polite company, hands-feet-mouths-members were poking-prodding-grabbing-grasping . . . it went from bacchanalian to Caligula's House Party in a blink of an eye! And you just didn't know where to let your eyes rest, there were things going on in and out of the water. You didn't have to want or try to be a voyeur, it was going to happen whether you wanted it to or not. I really did want to be less anti-social than the day before, I really did want to engage and socialize, I really did want to meet new people and make new friends, but how can you have an intelligent conversation with a naked man you just saw having sex (foreplay-slap & tickle-etc.) with several other people only moments ago? Seriously! What do you talk about, the weather, the water temperature, their 'staying power'?
I didn't want to embarrass them or embarrass myself, I didn't know how to react, and frankly I was more than a little afraid of looking like a fool. This was a lot of territory for me to cover during one weekend. Had my break-up caused me to become such an introvert that I was afraid of human contact from someone that was expressing an interest in me? Was nudity something I was so afraid of now that seeing it go on around me caused me to be frightened and ashamed of my own body? Had I attached such a deep meaning to sex that seeing harmless foreplay and meaningless sex go on around me was causing me anxiety and nausea? Was my 'big' head messing with my 'little' head to the point that I have now become asexual, or even worse, that I was afraid of sex? I was spinning, feeling light headed & sick, and it wasn't from the heat or dehydration. Fear was overtaking me and I didn't know what to do about it. Dinner time and the cocktail hour were rapidly approaching. I needed to get out of the sun, get the pool area out of my line of sight, and get more than a few martinis into me so I could sit and think & figure out what was going on inside my head.
They used to say "Calgon carry me away!", right now I was counting on Grey Goose.
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