"It's just a jump to the left . . ."

Changing your course is never easy . . . Just ask the Captains of Disneyland's Jungle Cruise.
Some people see their lives as a preordained non-changeable destiny with few options. Some people see their lives as constantly in flux. And some just see themselves in a rut . . . a deep one . . . with no ladder . . . and filling fast with mud.

What are the influences to make change? Outside events? Catastrophic events? Family? Friends? Inner turmoil? Too much caffeine? Religious or Spiritual pressures? Desires? Change for Changes sake? The lack of clean underwear? How do we react to these influences? Do they cause us to embrace change or to cower in fear from it? Do we learn life lessons from change or are they they obstacles we have to overcome? Does change mean the end or does it signal a beginning?

Why do some people seek to constantly change? Changing their hair, their dress, their home or work environment, their mode of transformation, and especially their minds. Does this signify some constant need to evolve or improve, or is it just dissatisfaction with their current state? Does change bring happiness, or does it just mask the root problem? Or, is change something to be feared as it's always a precursor to upheaval and despair. For a glass-half-full mentality, can change be both good and bad at the same time? I've circled around change so often that I know there are grooves in the floor. I try to look at all the angles, to try and judge the good and the bad, to ultimately decide whether this is something I can embrace or just brace myself against.

I know I'm not happy right now. I know what I knew to be familiar doesn't exist along the same lines. I know that familiar pathways and supports have been washed away worse than a Colorado flash flood. I know that there must be changes in order to survive. I struggle with what this actually means for me, what will my life be like in the aftermath, will I be making the right changes and not change for change's sake. That I won't be making choices in desperation. Tomorrow begins a new journey of discover for me, a journey to discover who I am now, what do I want from life, what I want to make life into, and what will I be willing to do get there. Tomorrow I begin a 3 day seminar to answer my questions and give me the tools I need to make the hard decisions. I already have these tools and these capabilities, I just forgot they were there and how to use them for me. I begin the Landmark Forum tomorrow at 9am. I'm excited and scared, and extremely curious. I don't know how tired I will be or what mental state I will be in when each session ends over the next 3 days, but I will try to post a few head-shots (like a screen shot, but just more obtuse) when I get home & chill out.

This catharsis may become similar to a chrysalis by weekend's end. Let's see if I emerge ready to fly as a 'Heimlich'-like beautiful butterfly, or more like a wasp with a nasty stinger.
Stay tuned.